I've been asking myself that question for nearly 40 years now -- or at least as long as I can remember. And I never had an answer.
There were times when I actually thought I had an answer, but that never lasted long -- couple of years at a time, at most. But that was long enough for me to feel just a taste of the...contentment?...all those other kids must have been talking about the dozens of times that question arises while growing up. My answer to the question was usually directly related to whatever was new at the moment. After the first time I flew on an airplane, I was convinced I wanted to be an airline pilot. When I began Spanish classes in 7th grade, I was equally convinced I wanted to be a Spanish teacher. Later, in high school, when Driver's Ed class was kind enough to inform me that I was near-sighted, I became a future optometrist. Psychology was my elective-of-choice then next year, and it hit me: all my friends seem to tell ME their problems and I'm always fascinated by their motivations. Oh, and I enjoyed it. No, I was honored by it. I was honored by their gifts of confidentiality and trust.
Aha! Getting closer!
And then, college happened. I did the responsible thing and chose Psychology as my major, and relegated what, by then, was the more "fun" passion -- acting -- to my minor. Sometime in my second year, one of my Psychology professors spent an entire class period telling us about all the different kinds of professional psychologists there were and how many choices we would be fortunate to have in our chosen profession. Right there, on the whiteboard in class, and on a piece of paper in my hand, were all of my choices. Marriage counselor, clinical psychologist, high school counselor, and the list went on.
AND? I didn't like any of them.
Not one option spoke to me, lit my fire, or any of those other expressions I just knew my classmates were feeling. And I was lost. In an act of pure, solitary desperation, I thought for sure that this was the universe telling me to finally go with my passion. I would dive into acting, singing, theatre history -- anything to keep me in college. No, interested in college. Long story short (I know...too late), that didn't work either.
I spent the next...wow, nearly 20 years wandering from cubicle to cubicle, being someone's secretary, or project assistant, or lead support, or department specialist. It didn't matter. And, although I had long-since grown up, I was still longing for the answer to the question, "What do I want to be when I grow up."
And then, the best thing that could ever have happened to me happened. My partner of seven years dumped me.
To be continued....
